Family

Sorry if this is all getting boring, but i got to do this shit everyday, so i dont loose momentum! Okay, what the hell have i been doing? Um, just basically hanging out with the familia, well all the closest ones, well most of the closest ones, but you know us Mexicans, our families are so damn big, so I have bearly cracked the tip of the family iceberg! I just hung out with my Mom most of the day yesterday, which was nice, I was fortunate enough to realize a few years ago that she is and always will be one of my biggest allies in this lifetime, she's great, we are ALOT alike which poses a very fine line for us, but I think we will be cool, she stays out of my buisness and aits for me to invite her in, I try and give her the same respect. Last night was cool, we made dinner and some more family came by, My Aunt Carolyn & her two kids Andrew & Anjelica, which was cool cause me & Carolyn have always been very close, and she lives right down the street, so she is around alot, and it was cool to hang out with Andrew cause we dont ge to see much of him, hopefully with me living here now we will have some time to catch up. It's crazy for me to see him, he is a few years younger than me, so I guess in my mind I've always thought of him as 'little", which he still is! lol, but shit!! He just turned 21!!! And has an "on again Off again" relationship of his very own, pretty grown up stuff, if you ask me!! ;) And just in the nick of time my cousin's Sonia & Jenica came by with some nice surprises, my god daughter Selena (cute as a button, also growing like a weed, she's going to be 4!!!) and some amazing blunt action!!! Shit!! you know what I want!!!!! Damn, I miss those girls!! Relationships that will DEFINATLEY be rekindled now that i am closer!! Thank god for road dawgs!!! Sonia is alot closer to my age, and we have been through some times together, I know she will be a good influence on me, and be someone I can count on, just like always, she just gets me, dosent judge, lets me be me, you know, we see eye to eye! And Jenica, she is a little younger, but wise beyond her years, and is going through some shit of her own right now, you know, trying to fight the good fight, hopefully I can be there for her on this one. Our visit was cool, It's always nice for me when both sides of my family can mesh, and find some common ground ( Carolyn is my Mom's sister,and Sonia & Jenica are my 1st cousin's from my dad's side), not every one knows each other so well, for the most part they do especially my aunts and uncles from both sides, they all went to high school together back in the day,a nd the ones my age mostly know each other and get along, we've all had to hang out for something or another through the years, so anyways it was cool. Today I spent ravaging through all my boxes of crap that I have here at my Mom's place, i havent seen ahy of it in months! I still need to go to my uncle's place and go through and organize all the rest of the shit. Maybe tomorrow or something???? Then my sister came over with her kids, which was cool cause they were'nt there the other night when i was over. A nice surprise cause they are pretty much the youngest out of all the kids around here well her girls are (Meeya is 4 & Anecia is 3) and let me tell you I am so in love with hem!!! They just remind me so much of my sister, especially Anecia, she is a carbon copy of my sister at that age, everything she does reminds me of her in some way! And Meeya.... who I am very close to always cause when she was a baby I had the oppurtunity to spend ALOT of time with her, I'm talking newborn/ infant status, my sister had to go back to work and I was here in town before my move to San Diego and spend every damn day with her, and to see her now, all big girl, its crazy!! So yea, like I said just the tip of the iceberg, this week I still have to go to make the trip to Grandma's house, which I should do tomorrow since My cousin Heather lives there, I can kill a few birds with one stone, and I'm sure I will be held in contempt having not been there yet! AN di still have a few crazy aunts and insane cousin's to check off the list before i can parade around town legitimatley without having to hear "why havent you come to see me??" lol!! I love it!! i really do!

I'm here!

So, I'm sure you all are DYING to know!! hahah!!! So, yes I am in Modesto now!!! Christina came to get me from The Ellis' and we drove down to Sacramento on Friday night. Like I said before I was a little wary of what we were going to actually do that night since I was broke and didnt want to be all like "we're going out" type thing, but luckily our drive started out on the right track, not worring about what we were going to do, instead worried about what we were BOTH doing! And it was very nice, me and Chrisitna have only had pretty limited conversations in the last few months, and hardly ever get the chance to really catch up. And both of us had ALOT to talk about, which was great cause I personally never really get to talk about my shit to people, I think people think they already know what I'm going to say, or they feel like I don't have real problems, whatever, it was nice to have someone who not only was willing to listen, but seemed like she WANTED to know, so as you can imagine she got an earfull, GREAT therapy for me, much needed and for us LONG overdue. I also got an earfull from her, which made me happy, I hate to feel so disconnected from my girls, and a few months had passed since I knew anything that was happening in her life, so as you can imagine, we talked love, life, and the pursuit of happyness, the whole shebang!! Once we were both filled in, the question came up about what we were going to do, which went smoothly, Christina had some tickets to a comedy show in Old Sac, which was my number 1 pick, considering it was FREE!! We made our way to her place, and called some people to see what the deal was, she wanted to "sorta" go out, which I was willing to compromise and do, but all her girls were doing whatever they were doing, so down to the wire we decided to go ahead and check out the comedy show, and we were only 10 minutes late!!! There were three different comedians, it started off a bit slow, but only got funnier! It was nice to sit back and be entertained. It's like I've always said "Making fun of other people can only make you feel better about yourself!!" lol!!!! So needless to say we were very happy with our decision, the show turned out to be exactly what we needed, a good laugh! We ended the night with some late night Mexican food, Christina made chiliquiles, for those who know what it is knows how good it is, usually a breakfast food, it was perfect at 2am!! The next morning, we just sorta hung out, talked alot more, I LOVE HER!!!! She made me breakfast, (bananna & strawberry crepes!! hahah be jealous!) Then it was time for me to go. When i got here my Mom had some shit she had to do, so I was able to just chill and relax, which was nice, My cousins Felicia and her daughter Miranda came by and we caught up, they will probably be some of my best friends here, Me & Felicia have always been pretty close growing up even though through the past 10 years or so we have had very different lives, me being crazy ass me, and Felicia with her career, marrige and two more kids!! But all that is a story for another time.;) I topped off the evening with a nice visit with my Sister and Manuel (brother in-law) watched "Sex and the City" (FINALLY!!! It was great!). She had a friend over who has some pretty close connections to our family, so it was fun talking about that! ;) We just had some drinks and talked the night away, and boom now here I am! Alright I think i've said enough for now, later!!!

Here i go....AGAIN......

So, I think today is the day, Im FINALLY going to Modesto. I'm actually pretty excited, I really do miss my family. It's crazy to be surrounded by people that are so much like ME! Growing up I always felt so different from then, but through the years I somehow have felt that they are most definatley the people that are most like me in MOST ways. They all have the "fuck the bullshit" attitude that i very much have in life right now, cause seriously, "FUCK THE BULLSHIT!!" I'm glad that I've had time to spend down here with The Ellis family, I love them so damn much, once again in life, and as you all know, without Angelina I would be sooo insane, she just has a way of making it all make sence, FOR ME. I love you girl! And Tristen, geez, i can't say enough about that little guy, I LOVE him!!!! And hopefully you dont have too many first before the next time I see you, not TOO many, my heart will break! ;( Alright, Christina & Maria Macias will be here soon, so It's time to get my self all ready for a nice visit! Then we are off. It just sucks tho, I know Christina wants to go out in Sac tonight, and I'm not all about that, Im poor, I havent worked for over a week!!! I'de be down to hang out with her, but not go out, if thats the case then I will just have her drop me off at the bus and I'll go to Modesto tonight. We'll see. Alright, im done.

Number THREE

So, Chrisitina is comming tomorrow morning, she decided to stay at the Lake and hang out with her Mom tonight, which is cool, I'll see her tomorrow. As exciting as seeing her is, unfortunatley I seem to be having issues with another best friend. We have ALWAYS had a love/hate relationship, but sometimes as I'm sure she does with me, I am very frustrated with her right now. Sometimes I feel like she is the only one who "really" gets me, and others I feel like she wishes I would just be out of her life. I know she has ALOT going on in her life, and I've always tried to be sympathetic to that, and NOT in the "I feel sorry for you" kind of way, that I know she gets from so many people, but in a way that let's her know I am ALWAYS there for her for whatever i can be there for, and i thought she knew that,a nd I'm not saying that she means to make me feel this way, but the fact is she does, ALOT, and most of the time i grin and bear it, like i said, i know I'm not always the perfect friend, and not that I think this is at all about me, I'm pretty positive it isnt, but I'm not exactly going through my brightest days, not that I'm even trying to compare my shit to hers or anyone elses, i just think thats its not cool to lash out on someone, especially cause you do it knowing that Im just going to take it, or maybe she just dosent care, who knows. The bottom line is, I love you Jess and you know that, at least i hope so. DAMN!!! Talk about a rant! Ok, what else? I just got done watching "The Notebook", one of the most AMAZING love stories EVER, and probably my favorite. I mean, the love that theese two people shared over the years, just incredible. I know some of you have experienced a greater degree of "love" than I, we all know how much i enjoy single life, but like seriously, imagine loving someone so damn much! OMG!! My favorite part, and it makes me quiver everytime, is when they are running around in the shore with all the birds, and "Ally" insists that she is a bird... i think you guys all know what I'm about to say.... And i don't know if the author meant theese word to mean so much but when "Noah" responds "If your a bird, I'm a bird".... OMG to me that is the most romantic "make my heart melt" thing EVER! I think the time is comming for me to go be birds with someone. HAHAHHA!!!! Just something that has always boggled my mind, since the forst time I saw the damn movie, that part has defined it for me. Oh well, I'm looking forward to tomorrow, I miss my crazy Mexican Mamacita!

Number TWO

Today, Christina is driving up to Tahoe from Sacramento. I haven't seen her..... shit, it's been a few months, it's been since July, damn! I miss her!!!! The only yhitng is, she probably wont be comming down here to G*Ville, which means we are going to have to make it up there. Hmmmmm, maybe she will just come down here after visiting her Mom tonight, and spend the night or something. Either way, i need to see her, i miss that crazy beeyotch! She is like ther missing link in mine, Ang & Jess' brown pride gang! AWWWWW what else!!?? It is day 5... no wait day 6 at The Ellis', and its been AMAZING!!! Tristen is seriously the best baby EVER!! He is so advanced in every way, and every thing that he does makes me forget that he's still just a baby! It's like he's fighting the limits of his baby body and trying to tell us "I'm a grown up already!!" SERIOUSLY! It does remind me of when my brother & sisters kids were babies, some kids who amaze me with how much they are growing, which brings back the issue of I need to get the fuck down to Modesto and get on with it already. I dont know what I'm so afraid of. I decided I wanted to move back there MONTHS ago, then summer in Tahoe happened, and from there it was like a week by week situation, then BAM!! Its Late September already! So no doubt it's time! I just think there is such a stigma with "moving home". It's just hard for me cause one thing i need to realize is that I will ALWAYS be running from my demons, no matter where I go. I just want to put my self in an environment that will let me concentrate on other things, I don't want to make myself feel like I'm in rehab or something, we all know I'm not ready for that. Besides, I miss my family, all the time I spent in Modesto this year made me realize ALOT about myself, it's crazy when you go from a situation where you'r around people that have known you for a year or two, and you feel very close to them in almost every way, then you surround yourself with people that may not think they know so much about you, but they have known you your WHOLE life! There is just a sence of comfort when you can just look someone in the eyes and they know exactly what you are feeling. CRAZY!!

Number ONE

Hello blog world!!! So since i know you are all obsessed with me, i thought it was only right that i give you a day to day detail of my very glamorous life!! HAHAHAHHA yea right! But seriously! I really just figured i needed something constructive to spend some time doing, and some of you my very dear friends introduced me into the wonderfull world of blogging! So right now my life is boring, but GREAT!! I've magically disappeared from Tahoe for the last week and have been chillen at The Ellis Estate where my life now consists of baby & reality t.v. (I LOVE it!!!). I am contemplating a proper send off from my world at The Lake, but somehow i feel like i already know the answer to that one(I'm sure you all have your own opinion.). I want to move on in a way that keeps everything in a positive light, i'm not into feeling sorry for myself, or regrets. I respect the good and bad in both past and present, and regardless of any of that, i have great excitement for the future, whatever it may hold. My only worry is that I can live up to my own expectations, whatever those may be. Okay I'm done!