Today, Christina is driving up to Tahoe from Sacramento. I haven't seen her..... shit, it's been a 
few months, it's been since July, damn! I miss her!!!! The only yhitng is, she probably wont be comming down here to G*Ville, which means we are going to have to make it up there. Hmmmmm, maybe she will just come down here after visiting her Mom tonight, and spend the night or something. Either way, i need to see her, i miss that crazy beeyotch! She is like ther missing link in mine, Ang & Jess' brown pride gang! AWWWWW what else!!?? It is day 5... no wait day 6 at The Ellis', and its been 
AMAZING!!! Tristen is seriously the best baby EVER!! He is so advanced in every way, and every thing that he does makes me forget that he's still just a baby! It's like he's fighting the limits of his baby body and trying to tell us "I'm a grown up already!!" SERIOUSLY! It does remind me of when my brother & sisters kids were babies, some kids who amaze me with how much they are growing, which brings back the issue of I need to get the fuck down to Modesto and get on with it already. I dont know what I'm so afraid of. I decided I wanted to move back there MONTHS ago, then summer in Tahoe happened, and from there it was like a week by week situation, then BAM!! Its Late September already! So no doubt it's time! I just think there is such a stigma with "moving home". It's just hard for me cause one thing i need to realize is that I will ALWAYS be running from my demons, no matter where I go. I just want to put my self in an environment that will let me concentrate on other things, I don't want to make myself feel like I'm in rehab or something, we all know I'm not ready 
for that. Besides, I miss my family, all the time I spent in Modesto this year made me realize ALOT about myself, it's crazy when you go from a situation where you'r around people that have known you for a year or two, and you feel very close to them in almost every way, then you surround yourself with people that may not think they know so much about you, but they have known you your WHOLE life! There is just a sence of comfort when you can just look someone in the eyes and they know exactly what you are feeling. CRAZY!!
few months, it's been since July, damn! I miss her!!!! The only yhitng is, she probably wont be comming down here to G*Ville, which means we are going to have to make it up there. Hmmmmm, maybe she will just come down here after visiting her Mom tonight, and spend the night or something. Either way, i need to see her, i miss that crazy beeyotch! She is like ther missing link in mine, Ang & Jess' brown pride gang! AWWWWW what else!!?? It is day 5... no wait day 6 at The Ellis', and its been 
AMAZING!!! Tristen is seriously the best baby EVER!! He is so advanced in every way, and every thing that he does makes me forget that he's still just a baby! It's like he's fighting the limits of his baby body and trying to tell us "I'm a grown up already!!" SERIOUSLY! It does remind me of when my brother & sisters kids were babies, some kids who amaze me with how much they are growing, which brings back the issue of I need to get the fuck down to Modesto and get on with it already. I dont know what I'm so afraid of. I decided I wanted to move back there MONTHS ago, then summer in Tahoe happened, and from there it was like a week by week situation, then BAM!! Its Late September already! So no doubt it's time! I just think there is such a stigma with "moving home". It's just hard for me cause one thing i need to realize is that I will ALWAYS be running from my demons, no matter where I go. I just want to put my self in an environment that will let me concentrate on other things, I don't want to make myself feel like I'm in rehab or something, we all know I'm not ready 
for that. Besides, I miss my family, all the time I spent in Modesto this year made me realize ALOT about myself, it's crazy when you go from a situation where you'r around people that have known you for a year or two, and you feel very close to them in almost every way, then you surround yourself with people that may not think they know so much about you, but they have known you your WHOLE life! There is just a sence of comfort when you can just look someone in the eyes and they know exactly what you are feeling. CRAZY!! 
2 comments:
haha! I knew you would break down. Dont come back to Tahoe, this place is hell on earth and nothing is ever going to change. You are better off without it all.
Aww see Jenna does understand.. and your real friends will!!
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