What are YOU thankfull for?

Happy Thanksgiving, well ... Happy almost Thanksgiving, Im sure we all will be busy tomorrow with one thing or another, plus I knew I was over due on writing, so here I am...... This year I will be going to Thanksgiving at my sister, Selina's, we seem to be trading every other year, so maybe I'll get it again next year?! It's crazy how it kinda creeped up on me this year, considering last year me and my roommates had the biggest Turkey Day blowout we had all ever seen!! For those of you who werent there, we all decided to invite our families to Casa Grande for the holiday so we could all spend Thanksgiving with our families and together, It turned out to be a great success with most of our families making the trip up to the Lake. The planning started weeks ahead, and everything paid off, i think everyone that was there had a great time, and were able to take some really positive holiday memories with them. This year will be a much smaller affair, but i will be lucky enough to be with even more family, the only problem is there is so much family, and unfortunatley I cant be with them all, but being around latley has been something to be thankfull for. Something that did carry over from last year and could very well become my new Thanksgiving tradition is making the homemade Mac & Cheese! mmmmmmm!!!! A much smaller batch of course, im not serving more than 50 people this year! Anyhow, in other news, lets see, whats been going on? Oh yea, so my neice Lilian came to visit, we did the whole family thing all weekend, which was fun, but now she has just been hanging out here with me, I told her it was boring, nut she said she is having a good time, I thnk she is like me, and is happy to just be hanging out, which is cool, I think we have gotten to bond much more just hanging out and talking about life than having to actually do all theese things and then get NO chance to spend quality time, so YAY for Lily!! We did go out to a nice dinner on Saturday night at this Japanese restaraunt, Torii's, it was cool, Jason & Jennifer drove down from Stockton to join us, and then came to hang out at My sister's place afterward, which was cool cause I havent seen them in ahwile, so YAY for Jason & Jenn! What else? Its raining, which is cool, I think tonight will be abother Notebook night! If your a bird, im a bird! Alright, Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Love you all!

changes

So, im sure you will all be happy to know that i got a haircut and i havent wore the hat for almost 2 weeks! This is probably the last known picture wof me with the hat! It'a pretty funny, right? I dont know what it was I just LOVED that damn hat! I went through a very big hat period the last few years, ive had a lot of favorite hats but somehow they all end up lost or stolen, but lout of all of them i really loved this one, im not getting rid of it or anything crazy like that but for now, its retired! lol! Anyways, i really miss The Ellis' you damn breeders you!!! I wILL be there for the baby's bday however, so I can't wait til then, just a few weeks away! I still havent done any MAYJOR job searching, i know I'm a slacker, Im just happy getting by right now while I am still really enjoying being around my family, which i really do love being an Uncle full time again. When i was in Tahoe I loved being able to duck out to Gville to be with the family, I come from a HUGE family, so something about just being with them I really love. I do miss my friends ALOT tho but I love our memories, I need to create more memories with my family and all the little kids i find myself surrounded with! Deeper on the family note, i contacted my two older long lost sisters last week. Rena & Mia live in Galt, Ca, just south of Sacramento, and I called them when I was at my cousin's house that lived in the same town. So we all went over there, and honestly it was pretty nice, not to mention me and my cousin's I was with had started drinking, and when we got to their place they were celebrating Rena's Bday, so that was something extra special, she turned 38, damn, right!? Mia is married and has three kids, her husband wasnt there, but her kids were a trip, I havent seen my sisters in over 10 years and last time i did Mia's oldest daughter was only a few years old, so to meet a teenage girl was really something, er youngerst is 5, and all three very cute, we all got wasted and spent the night, im sure I will be seeing them again soon. I also went to spend the weekend with my beloved sister Selina, who i love very much and told her the whole story, and that I think I need for them to meet before I can really move on with this whole thing, not saying that if selina didnt want to I wouldnt have a relationship with them, but it would make me feel better about it if they could at least meet to, ya know, i dont know, but she told me she thought that was really cool and was totally down for the whole thing, so thats cool, ill keep you posted. In other family news my oldest neice Lilian, also a teenager may be coming to visit for thanksgiving break, which is just like two weeks away, so thats very exciting, I really love Lilian, she is such an amazing young person, really truly brilliant, I love how she has grown up, and cant wait for the wonam she will be, she seriously is just a really cool person, im glad because that would be awful if she was lame! seriously! so yea, ill kepp ya posted!

Happy Halloween!

So today is Halloween, and it's kinda sad!! why you ask. Because this is pretty much my FAVORITE holiday,and I'm sitting it out this year, at least in the capacity that I'm used to celebrating it in. This is going to be a pretty tame one for me, but thats okay, right? No Freaker's Ball, No parties, No Tahoe, no friends. Not even too much family, most of them all went camping this weekend, and somehow i did'nt even end up going with them. I just LOVe everything attached to this holiday, the dressing up, acting like a kid, carvinig a damn pumpkin, which i didnt even do this year!! that actually kinda upsets me! ;( And Halloween in Tahoe, it has ALWAYS been the BEST! EVERYONE dresses up, everyone goes out !, definalty one of the best nights to party in Tahoe! Next year John, next year! As much as I hate it right now, I'll be fine, really, i just miss being social. I went to a bar ast night and drank my first Long Island in WAY over a month, it was pretty good! There actually is a party I was invited to tonight, my friend James Terry is throwing a party in Sacramento, "The Naughty Ball" at Zokku, a pretty cool club downtown, I did tell him I would go a few weeks ago, but now it dosent seem like I will, so what the hell am I complaining about anyways?? I guess all I'm saying is there are certain things I will miss about Tahoe, certain things I will not, Halloween is one of the things i will miss this year! The only party I will be attending this Halloween is my Goddaughter, Selena's (Su-le-nuh) Princess party at John's Incredible pizza, she will be turning 4, she will be Snow White, so I guess that makes up for it all, like all of my neices and nephews I have unfortunatley missed some birthdays, so I am VERY happy to be here for this. So Happy Halloween to everyone, however you may be celebrating this holiday, i hope everyone has fun, and is safe, love you all!!!

I love walking, Grapeade and my Sissy!

So, I still haven't hit the streets yet, but I got a call back from one of the resumes I posted online. The job is for a Front Desk Superviser at a local hotel chain, so i scheduled an interview for tomorrow, so we'll see. I am pretty stoked about NOT having to to do the whole "scouring" for a job thing, not YET at least. I figure while I'm all spit shined up tomorrow I will drop a few resumes before the weekend, get the ball rollin, ya know. So ya, Im pretty excited, and interested to see what the hotel is like, hopefully it's pretty decent. So that all means that TODAY i will be getting my hairs cut. i know what you are all thinking, FINALLY!!! I know! Unpacking, I've been looking all all kinds of old pics and thinking to myself, "I remember when I used to look like that! So you'll be able to see my face again! I'll post pics! So yesterday I took a walk around the neighborhood just for the hell of it ( i was BORED!). It's a really cool area, all old style houses, tree lined streets (not like the trees in Tahoe! ;) ), very "cute'. And you will all be happy to know that the three closest liquor stores to me ALL carry Arizona Grapeade!!!!!! ( You all know how important my Arizona's are to me!!) So you can imagine how exciting that was. I also met another neighbor, well not RIGHT next door to me, but a block away or so, some younger guy who was hanging out on his front porch smoking, he saw me walking and asked if I needed a ride. I declined since the purpose of my walk was simply to explore, but did stop and chat for a few minutes of friendly conversation. It sucks tho cause I forgot his name!!! hahaha! He livs close, I'm sure I'll see him again. Oh yea, how could I forget! SO i got this crazy myspace message the other day, and it was from an one of my older sisters, not my BELOVED sister Selina, but one of the sisters from my Dad's side, that I havent seen in OVER ten years or so. I accepted her friend request but havent replied to her message yet. The last time I had anything to do with either one of them, I was like 16 or something, going through all my own shit at the time, and they were around my age now, (well one is 37 now, one is 32 or something) and they were both going through whatever it is they were going through at the time, so I guess you could say I didnt care too much about "needing" them in my life, I was never raised with either one of them, and before that had very limited contact with them in a few years, when i was around 13, 14 i did try and get to know them but like I said they had their own lives going on, (drugs, crazy bf's, whatever...) So at one point I decided I didnt really need them in my life. Even though i had the void of my Dad not beiong around I always felt like I had a sister, the best sister anyone could have, and I didnt have that void to fill. And I still feel that way, especially after the past few years, you all know what my life has been like, the ups, the downs, and i definatley have EVERYTHING I need and more in a "sister". As I get older though, I dont feel the need to "replace" her or anything, and if i take the step to have anything to do with them, thats not what it'll be about, because I do feel like I have no negativity towards them, like I said years have passed and I have been through all my own shit and can maybe relate to them more than i ever could have, so we'll see. I love you Sissy!

kittens

update! So, im pretty much all moved in to the new place, I've just left a few things around here and there but should be done soon. I did unpack most of my things and put together my room pretty quick, as much as I wanted to put it off, I thought to myself, "What would Angelina say?"!!! So I did as much as I could! ;) I think I'm really going to like it here, I've yet to really explore the neighborhood, maybe I'll take a little stroll around later today. I've only met one of our direct neighbors, this guy who lives with a couple and their kid, young white guy, seems around my age, possible smoking buddy??? Meeting new people..... crazy! So, I'm not sure but I'm thinking about taking another stab at having a kitten, i really need a best friend, but what if they dont like me!! Cat's are vry unpredictable, and I'm still a little traumatized about my attemp of adopting a cat last year, I think we all remember what happened to Pepper....;( So, i know as crazy as it sounds i still haven't started looking for a new job yet! I know, I know! One thing at a time, now that i'm all moved in I will take that next step, I'm the typ of person thta needs to FOCUS one one thing before I should start taking on several tasks and end up finishing NOTHING, so yea, I mean I've sent out some resumes online, and applied to wherever I can online, but haven't actually "hit the streets". But when I do I can start looking at places close to here, it seems like there is ALOt more than there used to be downtown, so gimme a few days and I'll let you all know how it goes. But yea thats it for now. Think Kittens!!

just checking in...

I know, its been a few days, ive just been figuring out some stuff (my living situation... i was supposed to move into a place, but i decided to at least postpone that for now beacuse i think its too damn far away!) which is all set and starting to move in, well I will be this week, so YAY!!! that'll be fun. i'll fill you all in on details as they unfold, but basically Im moving in with my Tia Liz, who can definatley outshine me in the crazy department, so i'm sure that'll be lots of fun!! But it's cool she lives in a really cute place right near downtown Modesto, which is cool for me because right now with no liscence (and my Mom is being pretty strict about me driving with no liscence) it's very centrally located , so I can just go out and do things without HAVING to drive, everything is pretty close, places to work, bars, grocery store, all of that all in walking distance, so yea Im stoked, just have to organixe all my crap so Im not moving in shit I dont need. but yea, ill keep you posted as cool things happen.

Missing some people

Just some pics of some very special people to me back in Tahoe, not everyone, but most of my favorites, I miss you all and i love you!!! (from the top its l-r, Tristen, Angelina, Jess, Jason , Cale, Ana, Rich, Jenna, Double, Meg, Caitlin & Tom)

The world is my oysta!!

Theese past few days have been good, tons more family, and thats exactly what I need right now. I'm not saying I'm not a strong person, but not right now, that's for sure. If you know anything about me you'll know that no matter how strong I am, or how confident I might seem, you know that I can be a blustery ball of insecurity like anyone else. I try and look at my insecurities not as weaknesses, but more like an oppurtunity to grow and become stronger.... right?? Just trying to keep a positive spin on things....keep myself from going crazy! So basically, I'm taking the next few days to finish all the "life" brainstorming. I've got a list of places I want to apply for jobs at, I got a list of places that people have told me to apply at, and a few other lists, (1) legal crap I need to take care of. (2) idealistic possibilities for the future. I still have to round up the nessisary paperwork, and then YAY!! I get to play "staring over"!!!! soooo exciting!! ;( . As sarcastic as I may sound, it is a little exciting, you know the whole, "the world is my oyster", "endless possibilities" mumbo jumbo.

Family

Sorry if this is all getting boring, but i got to do this shit everyday, so i dont loose momentum! Okay, what the hell have i been doing? Um, just basically hanging out with the familia, well all the closest ones, well most of the closest ones, but you know us Mexicans, our families are so damn big, so I have bearly cracked the tip of the family iceberg! I just hung out with my Mom most of the day yesterday, which was nice, I was fortunate enough to realize a few years ago that she is and always will be one of my biggest allies in this lifetime, she's great, we are ALOT alike which poses a very fine line for us, but I think we will be cool, she stays out of my buisness and aits for me to invite her in, I try and give her the same respect. Last night was cool, we made dinner and some more family came by, My Aunt Carolyn & her two kids Andrew & Anjelica, which was cool cause me & Carolyn have always been very close, and she lives right down the street, so she is around alot, and it was cool to hang out with Andrew cause we dont ge to see much of him, hopefully with me living here now we will have some time to catch up. It's crazy for me to see him, he is a few years younger than me, so I guess in my mind I've always thought of him as 'little", which he still is! lol, but shit!! He just turned 21!!! And has an "on again Off again" relationship of his very own, pretty grown up stuff, if you ask me!! ;) And just in the nick of time my cousin's Sonia & Jenica came by with some nice surprises, my god daughter Selena (cute as a button, also growing like a weed, she's going to be 4!!!) and some amazing blunt action!!! Shit!! you know what I want!!!!! Damn, I miss those girls!! Relationships that will DEFINATLEY be rekindled now that i am closer!! Thank god for road dawgs!!! Sonia is alot closer to my age, and we have been through some times together, I know she will be a good influence on me, and be someone I can count on, just like always, she just gets me, dosent judge, lets me be me, you know, we see eye to eye! And Jenica, she is a little younger, but wise beyond her years, and is going through some shit of her own right now, you know, trying to fight the good fight, hopefully I can be there for her on this one. Our visit was cool, It's always nice for me when both sides of my family can mesh, and find some common ground ( Carolyn is my Mom's sister,and Sonia & Jenica are my 1st cousin's from my dad's side), not every one knows each other so well, for the most part they do especially my aunts and uncles from both sides, they all went to high school together back in the day,a nd the ones my age mostly know each other and get along, we've all had to hang out for something or another through the years, so anyways it was cool. Today I spent ravaging through all my boxes of crap that I have here at my Mom's place, i havent seen ahy of it in months! I still need to go to my uncle's place and go through and organize all the rest of the shit. Maybe tomorrow or something???? Then my sister came over with her kids, which was cool cause they were'nt there the other night when i was over. A nice surprise cause they are pretty much the youngest out of all the kids around here well her girls are (Meeya is 4 & Anecia is 3) and let me tell you I am so in love with hem!!! They just remind me so much of my sister, especially Anecia, she is a carbon copy of my sister at that age, everything she does reminds me of her in some way! And Meeya.... who I am very close to always cause when she was a baby I had the oppurtunity to spend ALOT of time with her, I'm talking newborn/ infant status, my sister had to go back to work and I was here in town before my move to San Diego and spend every damn day with her, and to see her now, all big girl, its crazy!! So yea, like I said just the tip of the iceberg, this week I still have to go to make the trip to Grandma's house, which I should do tomorrow since My cousin Heather lives there, I can kill a few birds with one stone, and I'm sure I will be held in contempt having not been there yet! AN di still have a few crazy aunts and insane cousin's to check off the list before i can parade around town legitimatley without having to hear "why havent you come to see me??" lol!! I love it!! i really do!

I'm here!

So, I'm sure you all are DYING to know!! hahah!!! So, yes I am in Modesto now!!! Christina came to get me from The Ellis' and we drove down to Sacramento on Friday night. Like I said before I was a little wary of what we were going to actually do that night since I was broke and didnt want to be all like "we're going out" type thing, but luckily our drive started out on the right track, not worring about what we were going to do, instead worried about what we were BOTH doing! And it was very nice, me and Chrisitna have only had pretty limited conversations in the last few months, and hardly ever get the chance to really catch up. And both of us had ALOT to talk about, which was great cause I personally never really get to talk about my shit to people, I think people think they already know what I'm going to say, or they feel like I don't have real problems, whatever, it was nice to have someone who not only was willing to listen, but seemed like she WANTED to know, so as you can imagine she got an earfull, GREAT therapy for me, much needed and for us LONG overdue. I also got an earfull from her, which made me happy, I hate to feel so disconnected from my girls, and a few months had passed since I knew anything that was happening in her life, so as you can imagine, we talked love, life, and the pursuit of happyness, the whole shebang!! Once we were both filled in, the question came up about what we were going to do, which went smoothly, Christina had some tickets to a comedy show in Old Sac, which was my number 1 pick, considering it was FREE!! We made our way to her place, and called some people to see what the deal was, she wanted to "sorta" go out, which I was willing to compromise and do, but all her girls were doing whatever they were doing, so down to the wire we decided to go ahead and check out the comedy show, and we were only 10 minutes late!!! There were three different comedians, it started off a bit slow, but only got funnier! It was nice to sit back and be entertained. It's like I've always said "Making fun of other people can only make you feel better about yourself!!" lol!!!! So needless to say we were very happy with our decision, the show turned out to be exactly what we needed, a good laugh! We ended the night with some late night Mexican food, Christina made chiliquiles, for those who know what it is knows how good it is, usually a breakfast food, it was perfect at 2am!! The next morning, we just sorta hung out, talked alot more, I LOVE HER!!!! She made me breakfast, (bananna & strawberry crepes!! hahah be jealous!) Then it was time for me to go. When i got here my Mom had some shit she had to do, so I was able to just chill and relax, which was nice, My cousins Felicia and her daughter Miranda came by and we caught up, they will probably be some of my best friends here, Me & Felicia have always been pretty close growing up even though through the past 10 years or so we have had very different lives, me being crazy ass me, and Felicia with her career, marrige and two more kids!! But all that is a story for another time.;) I topped off the evening with a nice visit with my Sister and Manuel (brother in-law) watched "Sex and the City" (FINALLY!!! It was great!). She had a friend over who has some pretty close connections to our family, so it was fun talking about that! ;) We just had some drinks and talked the night away, and boom now here I am! Alright I think i've said enough for now, later!!!

Here i go....AGAIN......

So, I think today is the day, Im FINALLY going to Modesto. I'm actually pretty excited, I really do miss my family. It's crazy to be surrounded by people that are so much like ME! Growing up I always felt so different from then, but through the years I somehow have felt that they are most definatley the people that are most like me in MOST ways. They all have the "fuck the bullshit" attitude that i very much have in life right now, cause seriously, "FUCK THE BULLSHIT!!" I'm glad that I've had time to spend down here with The Ellis family, I love them so damn much, once again in life, and as you all know, without Angelina I would be sooo insane, she just has a way of making it all make sence, FOR ME. I love you girl! And Tristen, geez, i can't say enough about that little guy, I LOVE him!!!! And hopefully you dont have too many first before the next time I see you, not TOO many, my heart will break! ;( Alright, Christina & Maria Macias will be here soon, so It's time to get my self all ready for a nice visit! Then we are off. It just sucks tho, I know Christina wants to go out in Sac tonight, and I'm not all about that, Im poor, I havent worked for over a week!!! I'de be down to hang out with her, but not go out, if thats the case then I will just have her drop me off at the bus and I'll go to Modesto tonight. We'll see. Alright, im done.

Number THREE

So, Chrisitina is comming tomorrow morning, she decided to stay at the Lake and hang out with her Mom tonight, which is cool, I'll see her tomorrow. As exciting as seeing her is, unfortunatley I seem to be having issues with another best friend. We have ALWAYS had a love/hate relationship, but sometimes as I'm sure she does with me, I am very frustrated with her right now. Sometimes I feel like she is the only one who "really" gets me, and others I feel like she wishes I would just be out of her life. I know she has ALOT going on in her life, and I've always tried to be sympathetic to that, and NOT in the "I feel sorry for you" kind of way, that I know she gets from so many people, but in a way that let's her know I am ALWAYS there for her for whatever i can be there for, and i thought she knew that,a nd I'm not saying that she means to make me feel this way, but the fact is she does, ALOT, and most of the time i grin and bear it, like i said, i know I'm not always the perfect friend, and not that I think this is at all about me, I'm pretty positive it isnt, but I'm not exactly going through my brightest days, not that I'm even trying to compare my shit to hers or anyone elses, i just think thats its not cool to lash out on someone, especially cause you do it knowing that Im just going to take it, or maybe she just dosent care, who knows. The bottom line is, I love you Jess and you know that, at least i hope so. DAMN!!! Talk about a rant! Ok, what else? I just got done watching "The Notebook", one of the most AMAZING love stories EVER, and probably my favorite. I mean, the love that theese two people shared over the years, just incredible. I know some of you have experienced a greater degree of "love" than I, we all know how much i enjoy single life, but like seriously, imagine loving someone so damn much! OMG!! My favorite part, and it makes me quiver everytime, is when they are running around in the shore with all the birds, and "Ally" insists that she is a bird... i think you guys all know what I'm about to say.... And i don't know if the author meant theese word to mean so much but when "Noah" responds "If your a bird, I'm a bird".... OMG to me that is the most romantic "make my heart melt" thing EVER! I think the time is comming for me to go be birds with someone. HAHAHHA!!!! Just something that has always boggled my mind, since the forst time I saw the damn movie, that part has defined it for me. Oh well, I'm looking forward to tomorrow, I miss my crazy Mexican Mamacita!

Number TWO

Today, Christina is driving up to Tahoe from Sacramento. I haven't seen her..... shit, it's been a few months, it's been since July, damn! I miss her!!!! The only yhitng is, she probably wont be comming down here to G*Ville, which means we are going to have to make it up there. Hmmmmm, maybe she will just come down here after visiting her Mom tonight, and spend the night or something. Either way, i need to see her, i miss that crazy beeyotch! She is like ther missing link in mine, Ang & Jess' brown pride gang! AWWWWW what else!!?? It is day 5... no wait day 6 at The Ellis', and its been AMAZING!!! Tristen is seriously the best baby EVER!! He is so advanced in every way, and every thing that he does makes me forget that he's still just a baby! It's like he's fighting the limits of his baby body and trying to tell us "I'm a grown up already!!" SERIOUSLY! It does remind me of when my brother & sisters kids were babies, some kids who amaze me with how much they are growing, which brings back the issue of I need to get the fuck down to Modesto and get on with it already. I dont know what I'm so afraid of. I decided I wanted to move back there MONTHS ago, then summer in Tahoe happened, and from there it was like a week by week situation, then BAM!! Its Late September already! So no doubt it's time! I just think there is such a stigma with "moving home". It's just hard for me cause one thing i need to realize is that I will ALWAYS be running from my demons, no matter where I go. I just want to put my self in an environment that will let me concentrate on other things, I don't want to make myself feel like I'm in rehab or something, we all know I'm not ready for that. Besides, I miss my family, all the time I spent in Modesto this year made me realize ALOT about myself, it's crazy when you go from a situation where you'r around people that have known you for a year or two, and you feel very close to them in almost every way, then you surround yourself with people that may not think they know so much about you, but they have known you your WHOLE life! There is just a sence of comfort when you can just look someone in the eyes and they know exactly what you are feeling. CRAZY!!

Number ONE

Hello blog world!!! So since i know you are all obsessed with me, i thought it was only right that i give you a day to day detail of my very glamorous life!! HAHAHAHHA yea right! But seriously! I really just figured i needed something constructive to spend some time doing, and some of you my very dear friends introduced me into the wonderfull world of blogging! So right now my life is boring, but GREAT!! I've magically disappeared from Tahoe for the last week and have been chillen at The Ellis Estate where my life now consists of baby & reality t.v. (I LOVE it!!!). I am contemplating a proper send off from my world at The Lake, but somehow i feel like i already know the answer to that one(I'm sure you all have your own opinion.). I want to move on in a way that keeps everything in a positive light, i'm not into feeling sorry for myself, or regrets. I respect the good and bad in both past and present, and regardless of any of that, i have great excitement for the future, whatever it may hold. My only worry is that I can live up to my own expectations, whatever those may be. Okay I'm done!